Script - Ride

(Each line walks across the catwalk from the loading area and enters the cabin of the StarSpeeder 3000, each person takes their place in one of the five rows of seats.  In the front of the cabin is a gray shield with the Star Tours logo on it.  To the right of the gray shield is a TV monitor.  A Disney cast member will follow everyone into the ride, standing at the front left door.  The panel lined with green LEDs behind the cast member is a safety check, each light comes on when its corresponding seat restraint is fastened.  After all the lights for used seats come on the cast member will usually ask everyone to pull on their belts to ensure that they are locked in.  Now if the cast member that is at the panel is worth their service uniform they'll give a corny speech before stepping out and having the front left door close behind them)

(The TV monitor flickers on, showing C-3PO back in the control room)

C-3PO:  "Hello, I am See-Threepio, human-cyborg relations.  Welcome aboard the StarSpeeder 3000.  Please make sure your safety restraints are securely fastened at this time.  To fasten, pull the strap out from the right side of the seat, and snap it into the console to your left.  Galactic regulations require that all carry-on items be safely stowed beneath your seats.  Oh, and flash photography and smoking are absolutely prohibited while on board.  Thank you, and do have a nice flight!"

(An RX droid named Rex, the pilot for this flight, appears on the TV monitor)

Rex:  "Welcome aboard.  This is captain Rex from the cockpit.  I know this is probably your first flight... and it's mine too... ha, ha.  Well, it looks like we're going to have a smooth flight to Endor, so I'll go ahead and open the cockpit shield."

(The grey shield in front of all the seats lowers, revealing Rex in person in the left corner of the ship, ahead of him is the StarSpeeder's front window - currently the hangar door can be viewed just beyond the front of the StarSpeeder)

Rex:  "Hi there!  I see they're loading our navigator Artoo-Detoo,"

(The TV monitor shows R2-D2 being loaded into the top of the StarSpeeder)

Rex:  "and then we'll be on our way - so sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight."

(The ship shifts and starts to rise up to the departure runway)

Control Tower:  "Star Tours forty-five, elevator platform has been activated, commence final pre-launch check."

Rex:  "Roger, control, all status go."

Control Tower:  "ST-45, you are cleared for takeoff.  Contact departure control at one-two-zero-point four"

Rex:  "Copy one-two-zero-point four"

(Another StarSpeeder ship ahead proceeds into an area marked 'To Launching Area'.  However ST-45 all of a sudden makes a very jolting left turn - and slams through a pair of doors marked 'Maintenance Bay - No Admittiance')

Control Tower:  "Forty-five, you're going the wrong way!  Stop immediately!"

Rex:  "Uh-oh, wrong way.  Brakes.  Brakes!  Where are the brakes?  Ahhhhh!"

(The ship falls over a sharp drop into the maintenance area.  The ship then pitches back up and goes through a hole in the back of the maintenance bay area into deep space.  The ship that was in front of ST-45 in the loading area can be seen moving against the stars before jumping to lightspeed and disappearing)

Rex:  "Uhhh - I meant to do that.  A little shortcut...ha ha!"

(The later portion of the Star Wars Main Theme cuts in sharply)

Rex:  "Artoo!"

R2-D2:  *Whistles*

Rex:  "Light speed to Endor!"

(Stars stream by faster and faster until blurring into a blue wash as ST-45 enters hyperspace.  Passengers are pushed back into their seats - due to the fact that the StarSpeeder is traveling at light speed.  The TV monitor flashes "Approaching Endor" on it.  As the StarSpeeder's sub-light engines are cut out and the stars slow and come back into view, the forest moon of Endor approaches fast.  Only a glimpse of the forest moon can be seen before it quickly streaks past.  The TV monitor then flashes "Leaving Endor" at the bottom)

Rex:  "Artoo!?!  We passed the Endor moon!"

(R2-D2 beeps an alarm.  In the distance a cluster of streaming ice particles is quickly growing in size as the StarSpeeder approaches them)

Rex:  "Now what's the matter?"

R2-D2:  *Whistles*

Rex:  "Comets?  Comets!  Ladies and gentlemen there may be some turbulence up ahead, make sure your seat belts are fastened!"

(The ship veers into the tail of one of the large comets, navigating through large clusters of ice particles, a few of the ice crystals impact the ship and break apart.  A much larger ice formation slowly tumbles toward the ship)

Rex:  "I have a very bad feeling about this!  Ahhhh..!"

(The ship flies into the large ice formation and swerves right and left to avoid hitting the sides of any of the narrow ice crystal pathways inside the comet.  The maze of blue ice tightens up as the ship proceeds deeper into its center, causing each turn to be more severe.  Eventually the StarSpeeder heads toward a solid wall of ice at the end of the narrow corridor within the comet, smashing through it and back out into space, leaving the comet cluster behind)

Rex:  "Ahhhh!  Well, you can relax now.  Everything's under control, and ah, we will be on our way to the Endor moon without any further delay."

(The ship gradually leans more and more to the right as Rex is saying this.  The StarSpeeder pitches up and the underside of an Imperial Star Destroyer comes into view)

Rex:  "Oh no!  We're caught in a tractor beam!!"

(The StarSpeeder continues toward the Star Destroyer's hangar bay, shaking heavily.  The TV monitor displays the message, "System Override" while a small squadron of X-Wing class fighters swarms around in pursuit of TIE Fighters between the StarSpeeder and the Star Destroyer.  The TV monitor then displays one of the X-Wing pilots from his ship)

X-Wing Pilot:  "Star Tours?!?  What are you doing here?  This is a combat zone, it's restricted!  Ease off on your main thruster."

(Rex eases off the main thruster and the ship breaks free of the tractor beam, now in the middle of the battle between the Empire and the Rebellion.  Ships play cat and mouse against the backdrop of the Death Star.  [or would that be the Death Star III? - at least the Empire completed this one]  A squadron of TIE Fighters takes point in front of the StarSpeeder and a few laser blasts are exchanged.  Eventually the StarSpeeder takes a critical hit and begins to spiral downward toward the Death Star.  The TV monitor displays the message "Malfunction")

Rex:  "Ahhhh...we've been hit!  Artoo, get the stabilizer fixed... and hurry!  We're losing altitude fast!"

R2-D2:  *Warbles*

(The ship continues to spiral toward the Death Star before R2-D2 restores power to the ship.  The TV monitor displays "Systems OK" and Rex abruptly banks the ship away from the Death Star and levels off)

X-Wing Pilot:  "Red 24, Red 30, Follow me."

Rex:  "Okay, I've always wanted to do this - we're going in!"

(The ship dives toward the surface of the Death Star behind the lead X-Wing)

Rex:  "Yikes!"

(Rex slows the ship to avoid running into the X-Wing ahead and forms up behind.  The ship moves up to the lead X-Wing and follows it down to the Death Star surface, banking around ion cannon towers and surface catwalks as well as dodging laser fire)

Rex:  "Yaaahooo!!!"

X-Wing Pilot:  "This is Red 24, I'm going in, cover me!"

(The ship continues to follow the lead X-Wing back up off the surface, pitching back around and descending toward the Death Star main trench)

Rex:  "Woooahh...ha ha"

(The ship heads into the main trench and levels off, blasting through TIE fighters while avoiding ion cannon blasts and trench catwalks)

X-Wing Pilot:  "We're in target range."

(The lead X-Wing skims the base of the main trench, dropping a pair of proton torpedoes into the exhaust port at the end of the trench.  As the proton torpedoes progress toward the main reactor an explosion begins to rise up from the port.  The ship quickly pitches back and exits the main trench)

X-Wing Pilot:  "It's a hit!"

Rex:  "We did it!"

X-Wing Pilot:  "All ships - jump to light speed."

(R2-D2 whistles a screech and the squadron of X-Wing Fighters disappear into hyperspace)

Rex:  "Hang on back there, light speed!"

(The ship once again enters hyperspace.  As Rex pulls the ship out of hyperspace, the Star Tours spaceport comes into view below the ship.  Many other StarSpeeder 3000's taxi along below, moving in and out of the hangar and loading bays.  The ship quickly descends toward the spaceport and dives into a docking bay, heading straight for a dead end.  As the ship continues to progress toward the dead end a transport pulls in front marked "FUEL" on the side)

Rex:  "Brakeeeeesss!!!!"

(The ship quickly comes to grinding halt as the fuel transport moves away revealing an attendant diving below his desk in the room at the end of the docking bay.  Now stopped, the ship begins to lower back down on the lift it began the journey on)

Rex:  "Hey sorry folks, I'm sure to be better next time.  It was my first flight, and I'm still getting used to my programming!"

(The shield at the front of the ship starts to raise up as Rex tries look over it as it closes)

Rex:  "Hey!, Hey!"

(The TV monitor comes on, showing C-3PO in the control room)

C-3PO:  "We do hope you enjoyed your tour of the galaxy and will come back soon.  Now, please remain seated until the captain has opened the exit doors.  You may then unlatch your safety restraints by pressing the release button on your left.  Oh, and do make sure you have your personal belongings.  Thank you.  Good bye!"

(The Throne Room Theme radiates loudly as the doors to the right open, revealing a catwalk similar to the one that lead into the StarSpeeder.  The catwalks lead out into a long twisting ramp that eventually drops out into the back of the Star Trader - a large gift shop to the left of the Star Tours entrance)